As a first-generation immigrant, my focus for the last two decades has been to assimilate and build my life in the United States. With this end goal in mind, I devoted myself to achieving various personal and professional milestones. I was always clear on my next steps. That was until I hit my upper limit. And so I stumbled into the exhilarating process of reinventing myself.

Feeling Stuck at My Upper Limit

The term “upper limit” was first introduced by Gay Hendricks in his book, “The Big Leap.” It refers to the artificial cap that we put on the level of happiness and fulfillment we are allowed to have.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to go to college, graduate school, start a career, become a U.S. Citizen, build a family, create financial stability, buy a house, and help my family back home.

Check, check, check, check… I have done all that and then some. This life vision carried me through all these years. But I seemed to have run out of juice.

Now what? I was happy with my life, AND I simultaneously wanted more. For the first time in a long while, I was unsure what to pursue next.

(Gasp) I had never dreamt this far.

Childhood Dreams and the Need to Reinvent Yourself

As children, we develop a sense of what amount of success we think is available to us. We set a “potential success” limit in response to what we experienced growing up. This becomes our upper limit.

If you grew up with limited means, you might have dreamt of a better financial life, a few steps above what your family provided. If your home environment was contentious or dysfunctional, you could have vowed to do things differently for your children.

Perhaps you watched your immigrant parents work ridiculously hard, and you decided to be the first person in your family to go to college so you could have better options.

You created a mental model of how you wanted your life to play out. You decided what “making it in life” would look like for you. This kind of life vision can sustain you for years! But what happens when you reach your goal?

After years or decades of single-minded focus, you achieve your childhood vision. Hopefully, you enjoy it for a while, but eventually, you reach the point where you ask yourself, “now what?”

If you have never imagined your life past this point, you have likely hit an upper limit. You may feel aimless for a while. You may feel guilty for not feeling more blissful about achieving your dream life in the first place.

I know I did. You may think, “this is all I ever wanted; why am I not happier?” I wonder if these feelings of guilt and aimlessness aren’t what fuels our various life crises. Don’t slip into a life crisis because it feels daunting to reinvent yourself actively.

Reinvent Yourself to Stop the Hedonistic Treadmill

If you haven’t hit this upper limit phenomenon yet, you may be more familiar with the experience of hedonistic adaptation. This term refers to “a theory positing that people repeatedly return to their baseline level of happiness, regardless of what happens to them.” (Positive Psychology) 

If you keep moving the goalpost and thinking that happiness is when you reach the next goal, you are likely experiencing hedonistic adaptation.

I have a theory that experiencing this adaptation and accumulating more of the same things without revisiting your grand life vision will eventually lead to the same place. 

You will have amassed all of these possessions, accolades, relationships, money, etc., only to ask yourself, “now what?” Congratulations, my friend; you have now also hit your upper limit.

The good news is that by the time you reach this self-imposed upper limit, you have achieved a higher echelon on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

From the outside, I bet your life looks pretty good. And it probably feels pretty good on the inside too. 

The discomfort you feel is not a bad thing. Sit with it. Don’t try to numb it. You don’t need to blow up your entire life to feel something different. Don’t self-sabotage, so you have something immediate to fix.

Allow the discomfort. Lean into it. 

What you are experiencing is the delicious agony of reinvention.

How I Got Unstuck

I went through this self-discovery process at the end of 2022. I had already been feeling stagnant for a while before that. It was time to set new goals for the year ahead, and I came up blank.

I felt uninspired and, frankly, a little bit lost. I knew I needed to dig deeper for some answers. There was a clean slate ahead of me, and I gave myself permission to consider all possibilities.

My life was everything I had always dreamt of, and now I wanted even more.

My favorite ways to process uncomfortable feelings are to spend time alone with my thoughts, go for long walks with my dog Sasha, and journal. This reflective practice has served me well over the years.

And so, I asked myself a series of questions and wrote in my journal until I felt a sense of release. I had to step away from my notes for a while.

When I finally revisited them, I decided that what I wanted to do next was to create. I had always thought of myself as pragmatic, never creative. And now, I wanted to build something and release it into the world.

This blog is part of how I want to do that. I also started a YouTube channel called Enough and More. (Subscribe here!)

How to Reinvent Yourself

Your process might look different, but I encourage you to dig deep. There is gold at the end of this introspection. It is time to dream beyond what you previously thought was possible.

1. Make peace with your past dream

The child you used to be had a limited comprehension of the world. That child dreamt as far as they could. You made them proud, and now you can expand your vision of your life.

Get closure on your past dream. Release it, and thank your past self for guiding you this far. Allow yourself to reinvent yourself now and choose a new, bigger dream.

2. Take yourself outside the box

Ask questions that force you to think outside the limits of your current circumstances.

• What would you do if time or money was no object?
• Who would you be if you were not afraid of rejection?
• What would you create if you could not fail?
• How can you make the world a better place?
• What legacy do you want to build?

3. Revisit your inspiration

Think about the people you admire. Whose life do you feel drawn to? What is it about them that you really like?

Think about the lifestyles that you find fascinating. What would happen if you pursued them? What if you tried them for a little while?

If you could have a genuine conversation with one of your personal heroes, how would they help you reinvent yourself?

4. Embrace the messy middle

As you ask yourself these crucial questions, listen for the answers. Sleep on them. Give it a few hours… maybe a few days. Journal. Reflect. Dance in your kitchen.

Take a break from being in your head and get into your body. Go for long walks. Take a few days off. Exercise. Get a massage. Let your mind wander. Stay open. Be receptive.

5. Make a decision

Decide what you want to pursue next. Choose a new adventure that makes you feel nervous in a good way. Pick the option that makes you smile and energizes you.

You can try something new and pivot anytime you need. You don’t have to commit to it for the remainder of your life. Whether it succeeds or fails, you will learn so much about yourself in the process. You will be glad you tried.

Trust your internal wisdom. Decide who you want to be next. Go on and reinvent yourself.

The world is waiting for what you have to offer. What does the next level look like for you?