…And Protect Your Peace

Discipline is one of those words that makes people wince. We immediately think about grueling work that we must strong-arm ourselves into doing.

Just imagine a drill sergeant yelling at you to complete painful physical exercises while calling you a maggot.

Discipline gets a bad reputation.

It is common to associate the idea of discipline with obedience and punishment. Because of this negative connotation, even when we set our own rules for discipline, we have a tendency to rebel against them and see them as restrictive.

But I think that is the wrong perspective. Discipline is about sticking to what you set out to do and following through on your promises. It doesn’t have to be about inflicting pain but instead, sticking to something long enough to enjoy the results. 

In this article, I will talk about reclaiming discipline as something that can be gentle, supportive, and even pleasant. I’ll share how we can use it to set boundaries and create space for the things that truly matter.

Redefining Discipline

If you Google the definition of discipline, you might get something like this. 

This version of the definition is all about obedience and punishment. It is a widespread understanding of the meaning of discipline.

But there are other, less harsh, definitions for discipline: 

Discipline is “a system of rules of conduct.” A system is a collection of things that work together to deliver a result. Simple and effective.

By this second definition, discipline is a tool in your arsenal. A system of “things” designed to help you achieve some objective. It is not about pain or suffering, it is about aligning your behaviors to reach a desired outcome.

Discipline does not have to be punitive or restrictive. It can be liberating and supportive!

Benefits of Discipline 

Discipline Supports Goals

We tend to be highly compliant with the structure imposed on us by others. We follow the rules at work, at school, and in society in general.

We do what we are told by our bosses, our parents, or our personal trainers. But we tend to be a lot less compliant with our own self-imposed structure.

Discipline can be about making sure we carve out time for the things we want to do but are not accountable to other people for. Discipline can help us adhere to our own long-term desires but following the rules we choose for ourselves

The simple fact that we set objectives that are different from our current reality requires us to redirect from our default behavior. Self-imposed discipline is what helps us reach the goals that matter to us. 

Achieving anything new requires a departure from the status quo. After all, if we stick to our existing routine, we are unlikely to achieve results that are vastly different from our current experience. 

The disruption needed to propel us forward requires intentionality and forethought. Discipline is a powerful tool for introducing new behaviors that will disrupt our patterns and create the possibility of a different outcome.

Discipline is about setting a course of action ahead of time and sticking to it at the appropriate moment. Ideally, we will plan how we want to behave, while we feel calm and collected. 

It allows us to remove the mental and emotional drama we can experience when making decisions on the spot. By deciding in advance that we will do XYZ in a particular situation, we can prevent the anxiety of having to determine the right course of action on the spot.

Discipline Protects Boundaries

Discipline is a key ingredient in setting and protecting our personal boundaries. Boundaries are the guidelines, limits, or rules that we set for ourselves to establish our expectations, values, and beliefs.

When someone crosses a personal boundary, it takes discipline to address the issue immediately. It also takes discipline to enforce consequences if the person continues to violate our boundaries. 

By identifying our personal boundaries, communicating them clearly, and having the discipline to enforce consequences when necessary, we can protect our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. We can protect our peace.

But boundaries are not only for others to respect. Sometimes we can be our own enemies by acting against what we truly want and what ultimately benefits us. A little bit of discipline can help us honor our own boundaries. 

A great example of this is having an answer ready for when you need to decline an invitation or request. Without preparation, it can be hard to say “no” on the spot.

The easy, default responses are to either say “Yes” (because you want them to like you) or to give a vague answer like “Yeah maybe” or “Let me get back to you.”

With a little forethought, you can create a short script that articulates what you really want to say. Then you can become disciplined at using the script at the appropriate moment, overriding your default people-pleasing tendencies. 

And by saying “No,” you have released yourself and the other person from this request. They are not waiting for you to make up your mind, and you are not agonizing looking for ways to get out of it.

Discipline as Self-Care

Sometimes self-care requires us to fight inertia and forgo immediate gratification in favor of long-term health and wellbeing. When we overcome our immediate impulses to support our broader needs, we are using discipline.

Booking and attending all your medical checkups even when you feel fine is a form of discipline. Brushing your teeth, taking your medicine, supplements, or vitamins, and avoiding harmful substances are all expressions of your discipline around your health.

Discipline doesn’t have to be just for the stuff you hate to do. You can also be about the things that make you feel good immediately. Like having discipline around giving yourself a good night’s sleep.

Sometimes it takes discipline to ensure that the things you do like are included in your life. If you know that spending time in nature makes you a better version of yourself, you have to be disciplined about making it happen. When work and life get hectic, it is easy to ignore our personal needs. 

Our discipline around self-care can also include basic maintenance and even vanity. Looking our best consistently requires a certain amount of effort and intention. People who always look put together follow the mantra “Stay ready so you don’t have to get ready.” 

We can be disciplined with our hair appointments, beard trimming, massages, manicures, and all kinds of other personal appointments. While these can make us feel better instantly, they still require us to make an appointment in advance and get off the couch when the time comes. None of this happens by default.

The Beauty of Restraint

Sometimes discipline is about doing what we should do even when we don’t feel like it. Instead of caving to our immediate emotions, we choose to honor the rational part of us which decided on the right course of action.

Other times, discipline can be used as a valid way of restraining ourselves from overconsumption, doing too much, and burning out. To maintain our sanity and create meaningful results, we have to manage our inputs as well as outputs.

When it comes to our inputs, information overload can have a paralyzing effect. I don’t have to tell you how prevalent this issue is in this day and age. We have more information at our fingertips than we can effectively process or use. Also, not all of that input is helpful or trustworthy. It takes discipline to disconnect from the constant noise. 

On the other hand, we also need to regulate our outputs to prevent burnout. For a lot of our long-term habits, pacing ourselves is essential. Learning to be consistent requires moderating on both ends of doing too much and too little. 

It can be helpful to set a minimum and maximum effort for each day. We should strive to build recovery into our routines. By producing as much effort as we can quickly recover from, we guarantee that we can continue our work tomorrow. 

It doesn’t serve you to push past your breaking point. If you have hit the point of diminishing returns, save some work for tomorrow. Only do as much today as you can recover from by tomorrow.

Parting Words

Discipline is simply a tool in your arsenal and a powerful one at that. It doesn’t have to be about punishing yourself. Use it to honor what actually matters to you. It’s not just about doing what you don’t like; it can be making sure there’s enough room in your life for the things you do like. 

You are already more disciplined than you realize. Living in a society requires you to follow a certain structure and abide by externally imposed rules. By adjusting your frame of mind around discipline, you can harness its power for your personal life.

What do you want for yourself, and how can discipline help you make it a part of your life?