Lately, I have been slowly drowning in a sea of activities, appointments, personal goals, and bursts of creative ambition. There is always so much to do and insufficient energy to do it all well. I feel over-committed and stretched thin. Best of all, I did this to myself.

The funny thing is that I enjoy everything I do. It’s just that the sheer amount of these “fun” things feels overwhelming at times. While everything seems fine from the outside, I often run out of steam. Oh no! It looks like I have accidentally taken on too many things I enjoy. 

They say, “Find something you love to do, and you will never have to work a day in your life,” or something silly like that. Well, I am here to tell you that you can fill up your life with things you love AND still push yourself toward burnout. It sure starts to feel like work after a while. But it’s work I chose for myself.

How did I get here? Let me explain.

Earlier this year, when I finally realized I was creative, I threw myself headfirst into two new projects. I started this blog and a YouTube channel at the same time. It was an intoxicating cocktail of curiosity, renewal, and untapped potential. 

Never mind that I knew nothing about starting a WordPress site or good lighting or editing videos. Let me tell you that the learning curve has been steep!

But I committed to my interests. After all, if other people could do it, why couldn’t I? I owed it to myself to try.

My new self was bold, colorful, quirky, and exhilarating. It was a stark departure from the boxed-in, analytical, linear thinker I had always considered myself to be.

Suffice it to say I am an eldest child, type A, first-generation immigrant. Creativity was not up for consideration in my upbringing. Thankfully, I now know there is room for both versions of me to coexist.

Scope Creep

In project management, scope creep is what happens when unplanned new features and requirements are added to a previously defined and agreed-upon project.

In order to prevent scope creep from sabotaging a project, various controls are put in place and a rigorous change management process is used. This change management process allows to reevaluate the feasibility of the project based on the new variables.

That is exactly where I messed up. When I added new “requirements” to my already full life, I turned my scope creep into over-commitment. I added without subtracting or adjusting anything else. I ignored the additional strain on my resources.

Drunk on my newfound creativity, I decided to post one video and one blog article per week. It all seemed simple and very doable at the time. I would write when my daughter went to sleep and record a quick video on the weekend.

I had so many thoughts to share! It would be the equivalent of having a long conversation with a friend. Except I would document it and share it with the Internet world. Brilliant! (sarcasm)

Around the time of this creative awakening, I also decided to add strength training to my workout routine. Two short sessions per week would be a great place to start.

You know, “mens sana in corpore sano!” I was already doing kickboxing at least three times a week, so I thought, “Why not add two strength training sessions?” Again, easy peasy! (sarcasm again)

Here is where I screwed up. 

When I decided to add these great things to my life, I completely overlooked everything I was already doing. 

Work and community

How could I forget that I had a full-time position I enjoyed AND a part-time job teaching leadership and management courses online?

Did I forget that I was an active member of the local Junior League chapter? Or that I served on the board of directors for Magdalene Omaha, a wonderful local nonprofit organization that supports survivors of sex trafficking?

All of these still matter to me! But I ignored the fact that they take up large chunks on my calendar.

Home life

I must have forgotten that I had a household to run, dinners to make, laundry, grocery shopping, and many other chores. 

I clearly forgot that I was married and needed some time to hang out with the one person I chose to build my life with. I forgot we also owned and managed a rental property and a woodworking business together.

I guess I temporarily blanked on the fact that it was nonnegotiable that I spend quality time with our daughter, Gaby. We have lovely rituals. We talk, we laugh, we play, we snuggle.

Her dad does the morning drop-off, and I pick her up from preschool after my exercise class. We sing and chat on the drive home.

Saturday mornings are for our special mother-daughter adventures. We go to swimming lessons, the car wash, the public library, the park, or do whatever else feels fun that day.

I love every minute of this and wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Other commitments

Did I mention that I happen to have Crohn’s disease and must attend regular infusion treatments to manage it? 

Did you also know that besides my weekday exercise sessions, I take daily walks with my sweet dog Sasha? Gotta get those 10,000 steps!

But what about spending time with our families? Maintaining a social life? Having “me” time? What about sleep? 

LOL! I guess I temporarily forgot. Oops.

A pattern of over-commitment

As I sit here thinking about this situation, I realize it is nothing new. It seems that I am unable to “leave well enough alone.” When my life stabilizes into a predictable routine, I get restless.

I start thinking, “Surely, this can’t be it. There has to be more!” And so I go out of my way to find new challenges and commit to them full-heartedly as soon as I have a semblance of a rough plan. 

I did it when I graduated high school in Benin and decided, “I need to move to the U.S. and start a new life. New language, new country, new everything. Why not?” I did again when I got my first apartment and decided to juggle four jobs.

I also did it in graduate school when I thought, “If I can get one master’s degree, why not get two simultaneously?” And so I did.

There were many other instances when I doubled my workload just because I could. It’s as if part of me wants to test how far I can push until something breaks.

The Good

On the one hand, this hunger for more is a good sign that I am alive! I want to try new things, expand my experiences, and explore new sides of my potential.

And to be fair, my oversized ambition has served me well so far. I have achieved a fair amount and don’t have too many regrets. (Except for developing Crohn’s, which I suspect was stress or anxiety related.)

Furthermore, my latest interests have the potential to create some impact beyond just me. I may be building a legacy.

With a strong internal drive and a hunger for more, I follow my interests and live on my terms. It feels amazing! At least most of the time.

The Bad

On the other hand, there is a clear pattern of severely underestimating my capacity to do “all the things” simultaneously.

Beyond the time required to do everything well, mental, emotional, and physical energy must also be committed.

As an introvert doing full-time work that involves daily interactions with team members, partners, and vendors, I get depleted. And I have clearly underestimated how much downtime I need to replenish my life force.

The Ugly

My days vacillate between unbridled excitement and complete exhaustion. Beyond the honeymoon phase of starting new projects, I am learning, once again, that it takes stamina to stay consistent. If I don’t pace myself, I will burn out.

The truth is, I can make time for my creative work. It’s incredible how much time you have once you limit social media and television. Time is not my problem. It’s just that my energy doesn’t always show up to the creativity appointments.

Sometimes I write frantically because I am bubbling with interesting thoughts I can’t wait to share. Sometimes I stare at the blank page for an hour. I have ideas, but I lack the energy to turn them into anything I can publish.

Consistency is a struggle, and I know my current pace is unsustainable. Ironic since I recently recorded a video about self-care for your energy. I guess my personal life is the inspiration for my content.

So what now?

Well, I currently have no intention of stopping anything I am doing! I guess Gaby gets her stubbornness from her mother. However, I need to zoom out for a minute and rethink how I manage my energy and priorities.

Maybe I need to reread At Your Best by Carey Nieuwhof. My goal is a sustainable pace that allows me to keep everything going while keeping my sanity. As you can tell, I love a good challenge.

After all, this blog is about self-management. I have a lot of good advice for my audience. It’s time to put my money where my mouth is. (Funny turn of phrase since I am currently making no money from my creative projects).

Knowing myself, I suspect there are a few factors at play. I will likely need a reality check on activities that need to be eliminated altogether. My initial eagerness to keep everything the same while adding new commitments was overly optimistic.

I also suspect that my expectations were unrealistic. Because it happened once or twice, I just assumed that I could write an entire article in one sitting, every single time. But those few times were the exception, not the rule. I will likely need to create some discipline around my creative work to keep it steady, yet manageable.

The silver lining is that this predicament has become a good source of inspiration for a new series of content I intend to create about energy management and dealing with over-commitment. 

So, stay tuned as I go about resetting my life. This will be a fun challenge and I’ll share what I learn along the way.