Time is one of our most precious and limited resources. We attempt to hack, increase, manipulate, and optimize it. Beyond using various tactics, it is worthwhile to explore our deeper relationship with time and how it affects our experience of it.
We all want to learn to optimize our time and get more done faster. But the idea of “time management” may be misleading us on where to focus our efforts and where we can have a genuine impact.
This article will discuss our attitudes toward time, review some universal truths about time and explore how to ease and improve our relationship with time.
Default attitudes toward time
Subjective Factors
Several factors, including culture, upbringing, and personality, shape our attitudes toward time. Some of us focus on punctuality, time management, and prioritization. Others view time as more fluid and less structured, prioritizing flexibility and spontaneity in their daily schedule.
Our relationship with time also evolves across different stages of life. As adolescents, we spend the most time with our parents, siblings, and friends. When we enter adulthood, we spend more time with our co-workers, partners, and children. Later in life, we spend much of our time alone [1].
Societal Factors
While our individual attitude towards time may vary, as a society, we have normalized the idea of “time poverty” and glorified the concept of constantly being “busy.”
Most of us love to commiserate about how busy we are and how little time we have. Yet, we continue to look for ways to hack our lives and do even more.
Some common complaints include feeling like there isn’t enough time to get everything done, time is moving too quickly (or too slowly), and time is wasted on unimportant tasks or activities. We feel there’s not enough time to relax or enjoy leisure activities.
Reality Check
The reality is that we may not be working more than before. And the feeling of time poverty is created and exacerbated by the constant flow of information and the pressure to do it all. So what we interpret as “busyness” is, in fact, a feeling of overwhelm.
“You might assume the explanation was straightforward: we feel so much busier these days because we’ve got so much more to do. But you’d be wrong. The total time people are working – whether paid or otherwise – has not increased in Europe or North America in recent decades.” [2]
We have collectively bought into the idea that we must do everything and live frenetically to make the most of our lives. But this mindset leaves us depleted and dissatisfied.
What if, instead, we chose different mental models to help mend our relationship with time?
3 Universal Truths About Time
These universal truths can empower us to reclaim a positive relationship with our time if we ponder and internalize them.
Time is the ultimate equalizer.
Time is a resource that is equally distributed to everyone. Rich or poor, old or young, we only have 24 hours a day to accomplish what we need. And ultimately, how we spend our 24 hours is how we spend our life.
We all have to eat, sleep, and perform various personal maintenance activities. This leaves us even less time to pursue our goals and leisure.
While we can delegate and outsource various tasks, we can never create more daily hours. Even the rich among us, who can afford all sorts of help, still need to decide how to spend their limited time.
The idea that time is an equalizer extends beyond the context of daily life. In a broader sense, time is a great equalizer for all living beings. Our time in this life is limited, regardless of race, gender, social status, or financial situation.
Time passes anyway.
The passage of time is an unavoidable aspect of life. It cannot be stopped or reversed; we must all accept it. Time passes regardless of what we do or don’t do, and it can never be recovered.
“Time flows away like the water in the river” (Confucius.)[3]
Much like a river flowing downstream, time moves in a constant and unidirectional manner. We can choose to interact with our time or just watch it go by. The choice is ours.
When we do things that matter to us, we interact with our time in a meaningful and fulfilling way. We watch it flow by when we don’t intentionally “participate” with our time.
Here are some common ways that we “waste” our time:
- Wishing for more time
- Being stuck in indecision, then second-guessing our decisions
- Ruminating on past experiences
- Continuing to work on unimportant things because of the Sunk Cost Fallacy
- Feeling anxious in anticipation of events that may or may not occur
- Unintentionally doing nothing, aka “losing time.”
You cannot “manage” time.
If our time is limited to 24 hours AND we cannot stop it from flowing, the idea that we can “manage” it is ridiculous.
We cannot manage time as a resource because we cannot affect it or make it behave how we want it to.
Time is a perishable resource and cannot be saved or stored for later use. It remains unfazed by our attempts to wrangle it. Time does what it does, it passes, and we cannot change that.
All we can do is manage ourselves, what we choose to do, and how we spend our energy.
It is a subtle yet powerful mind shift to decide to manage our actions and energy rather than try to manage time.
How to Create an Amicable Relationship with Time
Since time is impervious to our wishes and emotions, our experience of it depends entirely on our attitude towards it.
We can choose to cultivate beliefs that “ease” our relationship with time, or we can double down on the societal narrative that pits us against it. Either way, we will find evidence to support our beliefs.
Below are three empowering ideas that I have come across in my readings. Cultivating these beliefs can help make the most of our relationship with time.
You have more time than you think.
I have read several books by Laura Vanderkam. I also listen to her podcast called Before Breakfast. What I like about Laura’s perspective on time is that she frames it from the perspective of abundance.
In her book “168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think”, she suggests that the idea that we are always under a time crunch is a myth.
We all have more time than we give ourselves credit for. The real crisis we face is often the misuse of time.
Laura is a big proponent of tracking your time, so you can see how much of it you truly have. Doing a time audit is a great way to expose the fact that a lot of time is wasted.
Whether you are a fan of Laura’s work (or not), try tracking your hours more closely, if only for a day. You will be surprised by how much of it gets frittered away.
You have enough time for what matters.
Do what matters first, then fill the remainder of your time with everything else.
The Big Rocks and Small Rocks analogy has been popularized by Stephen Covey in his book “First Things First.” It is often used to illustrate the importance of prioritization.
The analogy involves a jar, big rocks, small rocks, and sand. The jar represents your time and energy. The big rocks represent your most important tasks and goals, the small rocks represent lesser tasks, and the sand represents trivial tasks not essential to your success.
If you prioritize your most important activities, you can fit in less crucial tasks around them. On the other hand, if you focus on the smaller and less important tasks first, you may not have enough time and energy left to tackle your big rocks.
You can do anything but not everything at once.
When pursuing major life goals, think of your life in seasons. You can accomplish big things sequentially.
You will likely achieve greater success if you dedicate your undivided time and energy to a single major life project.
Focusing on one big goal at a time can increase your energy and motivation, improve new habit formation, and reduce feeling overwhelmed.
Pursuing massive change and disrupting multiple areas of our lives simultaneously is a surefire way to create chaos, frustration, and defeat.
So, choose one life goal or significant project to focus on at a time. Then, decide what areas of your life go into “maintenance mode” while you pursue that goal or project.
The intentional use of our time is the right use of our time.
The best way to make the most of your time is to choose how you spend it intentionally. It is to opt in and turn off the autopilot.
No mindless scrolling, no zoning out, no losing time.
You win when you spend time doing something that you want and choose to do. The secret is to actively participate and interact with time flowing by.
Consider how much the following activities waste your time:
- busy work without a clear purpose
- optimizing things that won’t matter in a few weeks
- being passive with your life
- delaying making decisions
- dreading things that you end up doing anyway
- numbing yourself to the world using your preferred vices
How can you reduce or even eliminate these things from your life?
On the other hand, here are some ideas for fantastic uses of your time:
- enjoying intentional leisure
- having some purposeful rest and relaxation
- creating room to breathe and think
- trying new things and learning from them
- reading and learning things you enjoy
- creating something you can put out in the world
- developing and nurturing meaningful connections
Parting Thoughts
When we stop making time our enemy, we can reduce the resistance in our lives. It’s the difference between floating down the stream and trying to go against the current.
In a fight between us and time, time will always win. So why have an adversarial relationship with time? It only wastes our energy.
We can focus on ideas that make us feel antagonized and victimized. Or we can choose a perspective that gives us wings.
While it is true that there is only so much time, it is also true that we can choose how we spend a lot of our time.
One idea makes us feel trapped, while the other makes us feel empowered. All else being equal, why not focus on the second one?
Sources
[1] Ortiz-Ospina, Esteban. “Who Do We Spend Time with across Our Lifetime?” Our World in Data, December 11, 2020. https://ourworldindata.org/time-with-others-lifetime.
[2] Oliver Burkeman, “Why You Feel Busy All the Time (When You’re Actually Not),” BBC Future (BBC, February 24, 2022), https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160909-why-you-feel-busy-all-the-time-when-youre-actually-not.
[3] Jim Lauria, “Water Quotes from Chinese Teachings,” LinkedIn, December 12, 1609, https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/water-quotes-from-chinese-teachings-jim-lauria/.
